To understand the personality changes caused by narcissistic abuse, we need to consider what happens in the brain. When you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist, where everything feels hidden and confusing, your brain begins to operate differently. Instead of relying on the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for cognitive functioning and decision-making—you start living in your midbrain, which is responsible for survival responses.
The midbrain is meant to activate only in life-threatening situations, but narcissistic abuse keeps it engaged 24/7. This constant hyper-alert state, often described as “walking on eggshells,” leaves you in a state of vigilance and fear, completely disconnected from the thinking parts of your brain.
Personality Changes and Complex PTSD
When the prefrontal cortex is disengaged, you lose its attributes, such as the ability to pause, reflect, reframe, forgive, and find solutions. Instead, you’re stuck in a cycle of stress-based responses, negative thought patterns, and heightened emotional reactivity.
Prolonged trauma can lead to the five main symptoms of complex PTSD:
- Self-abandonment
- Toxic shame
- A harsh inner critic
- Social anxiety
- Emotional flashbacks
These symptoms often feel like a new, unrecognizable personality. However, they’re not who you are; they are trauma responses stuck in survival mode. Like a car stuck in gear, there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with you—you simply need support to “unstick” the trauma.
Steps Toward Recovery
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