To understand their reaction, you need to understand the dynamic they’ve built:
- You chase.
- They run, control, and manipulate.
- You feel unworthy, desperate, addicted to crumbs.
- They feel powerful.
This isn’t love—it’s a power imbalance.
When you chase, they feel desired. Worshipped. In control. They regulate their self-worth through your emotional dependence.
So when you stop chasing—when you go silent, walk away, stop reacting—they experience a collapse of that fragile illusion.
They no longer feel admired.
They feel rejected.
And narcissists don’t handle rejection like healthy people do.
Phase 1: Confusion and Panic
The first thing many narcissists experience when you stop chasing is genuine confusion.
They’re used to you playing a role: The Forgiver. The Fixer. The One Who Always Comes Back.
They assumed they could pull away, devalue you, even discard you—and you’d always be there when they changed their mind.
So your emotional silence confuses them.
“Why aren’t they reacting?”
“Why haven’t they reached out?”
“How dare they ignore me?”
This confusion quickly morphs into panic. Not panic about losing you, but about losing control.
Phase 2: Hoovering (The Fake Comeback)
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