When panic sets in, many narcissists begin hoovering—a term named after the vacuum brand, because it describes how they try to suck you back into the cycle.
They might:
- Send a vague, friendly message: “Hey… just thinking about you.”
- Pretend they’ve had a change of heart: “I’ve done a lot of reflecting.”
- Try to trigger jealousy: “I’m seeing someone new, but it made me think of you.”
- Use guilt: “You really gave up on us that easily?”
They want any reaction—positive or negative. Because any reaction means they still have access to your emotions.
But if you don’t respond, if you stay grounded in your peace, they begin to spiral.
Because silence is the one thing they can’t manipulate.
Phase 3: Rage or Smear Campaigns
If hoovering doesn’t work, narcissists often flip the script completely.
They’ll go from “I miss you” to “You were always the problem” almost overnight.
This is narcissistic rage—a defense mechanism triggered when their ego feels threatened or humiliated.
They might:
- Accuse you of being cold, fake, or manipulative.
- Try to turn mutual friends against you.
- Post passive-aggressive or misleading things online.
- Suddenly paint themselves as the victim.
Why?
Because if they can’t control you, they’ll try to control how others see you.
In their mind, if you’re not chasing them, you must be punished—or at least discredited.
Phase 4: Replacement (But It’s Just a Performance)
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