For example, the first comment you might make is, “You have some serious control issues.” Watch that person squirm when you say it. Most narcissists find this highly offensive, which charges their anger. The implication is that they know having control issues isn’t a good way to live. Their lack of self-awareness shows when you call them out on it, leading to deep offense.
I remember one woman whose husband was in my office. He said, “You have some serious control issues,” and she pointed her finger at him. She spoke sternly, claiming, “Oh no, I am not a controlling person; in fact, I am the least controlling person you have ever met.” It was astonishing to witness her lack of awareness, and just the suggestion of control triggered her anger.
Another common phrase might be, “I’d like for you to listen to my perspective.” This is fair in any relationship, as there are times when perspectives differ. However, one woman in my office asked her highly controlling husband for this, and he responded, “I don’t need your perspective.” When I intervened to highlight her request, he became defensive, saying, “Don’t go there.” His anger indicated his deep insecurity; he couldn’t handle someone else’s perspective.
A third common comment could be, “We already talked about this.” Even saying it mildly can trigger anger, as they may interpret it as an attempt to shut them down or call them dense. They often refuse to acknowledge anything other than their own words.
A fourth comment you might make is, “Do you honestly think I’m that stupid?” This can arise when you feel fed up with their authority. A narcissist might interpret this as a challenge to their superiority, revealing their need to maintain a dominant position.
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