What happens When You and the Narcissist Both Start Giving Each Other the Silent Treatment
I grew up in a household with two narcissistic parents. Because of this, I had a front-row seat to what it looks like when toxic people weaponize silence against each other. They would give each other the silent treatment for days—sometimes even for weeks. It was a brutal game of ego and endurance.
They would go so far as to act like they were mortal enemies living under the same roof. There was so much discord that they would completely cancel each other’s existence.
To give you an idea of how petty and extreme this was: if my father purchased meat with his own money and that meat was cooked for dinner, my mother would completely refuse to eat it right in front of him. She would sit there and eat something entirely different, to make a point that she would not touch anything his money had bought.
And my father was no less. He would do the same thing in return. Even worse, he would take it to an extreme level of complete abandonment. He would disconnect, put up a wall of ice, and go completely cold. He would act as if she had nothing to do with him— as if she were absolutely nothing. He literally canceled her existence and his reality.
And the most traumatic part of it all is that they would talk to each other through us—through my sister and me. They would use the kids as human shields and messengers to deliver their poison without having to break their own silent treatment. It was horrific to witness.
Now, that dynamic was between two narcissists fighting for dominance. But what we’re talking about today is fundamentally different. What happens when the narcissist gives you the “empathetic survivor” silent treatment—and instead of chasing them, you give it right back? You take their silence and you turn it into your no contact.
When this happens, a profound psychological war is won without you ever firing a single shot.
The first aspect we have to look at is the completely different meaning this silence holds for both of you.
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