While witnessing their public rage can be difficult, it might be a small relief if you’re in a relationship with them. Others may finally realize what you’ve been dealing with. However, after the initial rage, you may witness another phase of their collapse: depression. This is more likely in vulnerable narcissists. Their depression may be marked by irritability or a vegetative state — think pajamas, basement, no showers. They may express a sense of hopelessness, saying, “Life isn’t fair, why should I bother?” If you rely on them for financial or caregiving responsibilities, this depression can make a difficult situation much worse.
Their depression may resemble clinical depression: apathy, sadness, irritability, changes in sleep, and feelings of worthlessness. But it will also carry a sense of victimhood and self-pity, making you feel guilty or responsible for their well-being. This sense of blame may extend even further. Narcissistic individuals may begin to whine about how unfair life is and shift the blame onto you. Despite having no connection to their struggles at work, for example, they’ll find a way to make it your fault.
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