Narcissists go silent just when you need them the most. They know exactly where your emotional bruises are and press on them like it’s a sport. Narcissists are masters at sniffing out your fear of abandonment, then using silence to poke that raw nerve. The moment they vanish, your brain goes into panic mode, and suddenly you’re not even mad; you find yourself chasing them for scraps of attention. Researcher Shahida Arabi explains in her book Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse that abusers exploit the fear of abandonment by punishing you with silence, creating a cycle of anxiety and craving. You end up feeling like the guilty one, desperate to fix things, even when they’re the ones who broke it. That’s how they get their fix—not from love, but from control.
10. Punishment for Non-Compliance
The narcissist’s silent treatment is not about solving a problem; it’s about punishing you for daring to step out of line. Maybe you said no, asked for respect, or simply didn’t agree with them. This isn’t a grown-up pause to reflect; it’s a manipulative version of putting you in the doghouse without even throwing you a bone. As psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula notes in her book Should I Stay or Should I Go, the silent treatment is a way of valuing the partner while reinforcing control and punishing them for a perceived slight. You’re not being given space; you’re being taught a lesson, and that lesson is: don’t you ever disobey me or say no to me again.
Now you see it: the silent treatment isn’t just about taking space or calming down. When a narcissist does it, it’s all about control. It’s their way of making you feel small, unsure, and desperate to win them back. But here’s the thing: their silence reveals more about their own issues than anything about you. You don’t need to tiptoe around their moods or chase after their approval. What you deserve is honest communication, not emotional games hidden behind silence.
Sharing is caring!
