10 Things Narcissists Say When They’re Losing Control
And if you’ve been trauma bonded, it can be easy to feel like they might be right. Even if the relationship was toxic, even if you’re constantly walking on eggshells, there’s still a part of you that wonders, “What if no one else ever makes me feel that way again?”
And if they say no one else will love you like I do, then maybe the answer is: I should certainly hope not.
So if you’re trauma bonded, there’s going to be a part of you that really wants their love and acceptance. But even if you use the logical part of your brain—which is not the part that a trauma bond takes over—you can still see that you want someone who sees your value without needing to tear you down.
You want someone who treats you well without expecting you to give everything of yourself.
So when you hear, “No one else will love you like I do,” take a breath and check in with yourself. Is that true? And if it is true, is it maybe a good thing?
Here’s another thing you might hear, and it’s super common: when a narcissist is losing control, they’re so likely to say, “You’re the narcissist.”
This usually shows up when the narcissist feels backed into a corner. This is when they’ve lost control of the narrative, and they need to flip the script fast.
So they accuse you of being exactly like them. And that wouldn’t even be so bad if it were presented as accountability. But usually it shows up as, “You’re the narcissist, and I’m the angel”—the empath—the victim. Sometimes this happens after you finally name what’s going on. And sometimes it comes out of nowhere just to throw you off.
The sad part is it usually works. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve talked to—good, kind, emotionally aware people—who end up spiraling after someone called them a narcissist. They start questioning everything.
But if you’re in the place where you’re asking yourself, “Am I the narcissist?” here’s something I found to be a pretty good indicator you can use for yourself. It’s difficult to use on other people because you don’t know their true intentions. But if you’re asking yourself, I suggest asking this question:
Do you care about hurting other people’s feelings? And I mean genuinely care. Does that occupy your thoughts?
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