10 Things Narcissists Say When They’re Losing Control
When a narcissist starts to lose control, it’s not obvious at first. In fact, they’ll say things that make it seem like you’re the one who’s messing up—like they’re still in control and you’re just being difficult or dramatic.
And that’s exactly what they want you to think: that you’re being difficult and dramatic. Because if they can get in your head, they can regain whatever power they had lost. But if you’re hearing the phrases we’re about to go over today, it’s a sign that they’re slipping. And deep down, they know it.
So, let’s look at the first phrase that will come out when a narcissist starts losing control, and that is: “You’re ungrateful.” This one usually shows up when you don’t react the way they wanted you to.
So, can you think of a time when the narcissist in your life wanted basically a medal for finally making an effort—or doing something super basic? Maybe they unloaded the dishwasher one time without being asked, and now they’re expecting a parade in their honor. Meanwhile, you’ve been working overtime to make them happy and keep things running smoothly.
And if you ask for a little appreciation, they’ll outright tell you it’s your job to do those things, and you shouldn’t expect praise or thanks. And to take it a step further, they’ll even tell you it’s narcissistic to want praise for just doing what you’re supposed to be doing anyway.
But in the same breath, they’ll tell you how ungrateful you are for not thanking them profusely for doing something super basic. It’s frustrating—but it’s also really telling. Because when you hear this phrase—“You’re ungrateful”—you can take it as a small win.
It really means you’re not jumping through hoops to feed their ego anymore. You’re not living your life to serve them. Not anymore. And there’s freedom in that, no matter what they think or say.
So another phrase that might come up when a narcissist’s control starts slipping is: “You’ve changed.” At first, it sounds like an observation, right? But from a narcissist, it’s almost always a complaint.
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