Why the Narcissist Needs You to be the Villain
Almost every survivor eventually struggles to understand the same maddening question: how can someone treat you horribly, betray you, manipulate you, lie to you, psychologically abuse you — and then somehow walk away completely convinced that you’re the bad person?
You can spend years showing up for someone. Forgiving things you never should have forgiven. Giving chance after chance after chance. Trying desperately to communicate, to save the relationship, to understand their childhood, their trauma, their insecurities, their excuses, their moods, their triggers. And eventually, when you can’t take it anymore and you finally begin responding differently — setting boundaries, confronting the behavior, getting angry, withdrawing, or leaving — the entire story changes. Now you’re cruel. Selfish. Unstable. Abusive. Impossible. The person who destroyed everything.
If you’ve lived through this, you know how disorienting it is. You find yourself thinking, were we even in the same relationship?
It’s Not Just About Avoiding Accountability
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