These are the Shocking Stages a Narcissist Experiences When You Walk Away
After the initial shock and sense of betrayal, anger often follows. The narcissist becomes furious that you had the audacity to leave their grasp. Tears and sadness may briefly appear, but a significant part of these emotional responses is rooted in anger.
They’re furious because you dared to challenge their entitlement. In their eyes, you were nothing more than a possession—a toy played with at their whim, only to be discarded and retrieved for amusement later. By leaving, you shattered the illusion and refused to participate in their manipulative games.
“How could you do such a thing?”
The sense of betrayal lingers, tangled with the entitlement the narcissist feels toward you. They believe they’re entitled to the relationship and to the image they meticulously crafted in their minds—and in the eyes of the public. They often wanted to maintain the facade of a harmonious family unit, basking in praise and admiration from others.
Because of that, they may choose not to disclose the breakup to anyone. They remain in uncertainty, still trying to concoct a plan to win you back.
Then the narcissist enters a phase of self-gaslighting. Their efforts shift inward rather than toward you. They craft a narrative to justify your departure. They convince themselves that you left due to alleged infidelity, disinterest, or some other wrongdoing on your part—compiling a list of your supposed faults and attributing them as the sole reasons you decided to leave. This allows them to absolve themselves of responsibility.
In my personal experience, I couldn’t accept blame, so I turned it around—placing fault on my partner and the individuals involved. I viewed myself as the victim and shifted into “victim mode,” avoiding guilt by rewriting the story and moving the blame onto others.
In this way, the narcissist evades facing the truth and shields themselves from remorse over their actions.
So what lies ahead in this intricate process—sometimes following, and sometimes occurring concurrently with self-gaslighting? Often, it’s the insidious smear campaign.
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