What Narcissists Do When You’re Too Tough to Control, Manipulate, and Dominate

People who fall on the spectrum of destructive narcissism have to exert authority over others. They need to be in a position of dominance and control. They also need to create and maintain a perception of superiority, no matter how false that perception is in reality. Their fundamental way of showing up in the world relies on pure manipulation and projecting a false image. As far as they’re concerned, all is well as long as they’re getting their way and getting their needs met.

But the moment that’s no longer the case, look out. Once they’re not getting their way, once it becomes clear that they’re not in control, once you’re not complying—or, God forbid, you accidentally show them up somehow, perhaps simply by being who you naturally and authentically are—their ego takes a hit, whether you realize it or not. And sometimes it takes a big hit.

Remember, this is their stuff, not yours. Just as when discussing the family disease of alcoholism, in the realm of destructive narcissism, it’s important that you understand that:

A. You did not cause it.
B. You cannot control it.
C. You certainly can’t cure it.

If they can’t gaslight you into some form of submission, compliance, or feelings of inferiority; if they can’t succeed in controlling, manipulating, or dominating you; and if you aren’t completely enamored with their false persona, phony kindness, and manipulative charm, then, given the limited tools they have in their emotional and psychological toolbox, they’ll believe they have no alternative but to target you.

And narcissists, being the sneaky little cowards they are, will probably do this behind your back as they work to manipulate and control how other people see you.

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