What Narcissists Do When You’re Too Tough to Control, Manipulate, and Dominate
When a narcissist can’t control you, they feel threatened by you. And when they feel threatened, they have to deal with that threat to their fragile ego and false persona in the only way they know how. Usually, that means working to control how others perceive you and feel about you. They’ll literally go out of their way to destroy your reputation and sabotage your relationships, saying whatever it takes to make you look and sound as bad as possible.
The reality is that this can be going on long before you even realize there’s a problem. Why? Well, as I’ve said, narcissists are fake, phony, and dishonest. They lie outright and by omission. And they do so with tremendous ease and zero remorse, so they have no problem pretending that all is well. For example, they might enjoy your hospitality and eat at your dining room table while simultaneously smearing you to smithereens the moment your back is turned. Nice people.
The bottom line is that narcissists need to be in a position of perceived superiority, dominance, and control. Although your strength and personal power may be attractive and compelling in the early stages of the relationship, they’ll become very problematic with anyone who falls on the spectrum of destructive narcissism. It’s just a matter of time.
You’ll be seen as too difficult, too hard to handle, or whatever—which is the same as saying that you’re too tough to control, manipulate, dupe, deceive, or dominate. And the reality is that people the narcissist sees as too strong are not easily swayed by others. They’re confident, boundaried, self-reliant, and clear. They’re also emotionally intelligent and personally developed enough to live sovereign lives, independent of other people’s opinions—not least of which are the ridiculous and twisted opinions of the narcissist.
The narcissist’s opinion of them—or anything else, for that matter—doesn’t even register on the radar of a fully empowered person. Fully empowered people think, act, and feel for themselves. They discern for themselves, fully trust themselves, and rely on their own good judgment. In addition, they tend to be grounded in their own good opinion of themselves, rather than going through life seeking approval and validation from the outside world.
Needless to say, this level of personal empowerment is not only problematic but highly triggering for people who fall on the spectrum of destructive narcissism.
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